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The Lawn Goodbye
(Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - Just like everybody else, I've been feeling the pinch of a constrained economy, rising gas prices and a virtually stagnant career. (Oh, wait, that last one's just me.) I've been looking around for ways to cut back. Just this past week, in fact, I had to cancel the lawn service.
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
(Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - McCain: Sunnis, Shiites "Trying to Confuse Me"
Gas Pains
(Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - Last week, I ran out to the supermarket in my wife's station wagon and noticed that the tank was empty. I stopped off to fill it up, and while the gas was running, washed all the windows with the little squeegee thing they have. When I heard the gas pump click off, I turned and glanced at the pump, and nearly had a heart attack right there in the self-serve lane. The little red numbers blinked at $57.
Rev. Wright Launches Own 24-Hr. Channel; All Wright, All the Time, Preacher Promises
(Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - Pronouncing himself "thrilled" with his recent spate of media appearances, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright announced today that he will launch his own 24-hour channel that will feature nothing but himself all day long.